The Dastardly Unnecessary Adventures Of Sir Tarquin Lamb Pasanda And His Good Colleagues Sirs Fitzwellington Tikka Massala and Gregory Bacon Phaal!

A Muffin Amiss

We were all at the HQ, relaxing and having a cup of tea, when Dame Bebelia came running in. We expected her to maybe start talking about how she'd "so totally used up, like ALL the milk because..." and so on. But instead, she said "Jimothy's missing!" and then started talking about how she'd used all the milk. I looked accusingly at her - it wasn't the first time she'd tried to eat him. But it turned out she hadn't seen him since some man came in the HQ and picked up a random muffin and left quickly. "And that wasn't at all suspicious to you?" I asked. "We have loads of muffins!" she replied defensively. Sir Gregory shook his head. "We all agreed no muffins at HQ in case one of us accidentally, y'know." Sir Gregory leapt up and shouted "To the BaconMobile!"  Sir Fitzwellington looked at him angrily. "You have your own car? Yet I had to catch the bus in the pouring rain last night??" I also jumped up. "That is irrelevant! Sir Jimothy may be in fatal danger! To the PasandaJet!" I looked at Sir Gregory. "The PasandaJet's about a mile away, so if you could use the BaconMobile to y'know, drive us there that would be good." 

 We reached the PasandaJet (Dame Bebelia remained behind with a microscope, convinced Sir Jimothy was trapped in the carpet) and boarded. I was to be the pilot with Sir Gregory as the Co Pilot. "Prepare for takeoff" I announced. Sir Fitzwellington turned to me and suddenly shook his head. "Do we even know where we're going?" I shook my head slowly. "No... damn. You're right. Jimothy's been missing for a good seven hours - he could be halfway round the world at this very moment. There has to be something that can help us, come on!" We split up to check around the HQ for clues. I went looking in the Meeting Room, but nothing seemed out of place. The intercom on the wall buzzed with the light from Corridor 5 - outside Sir Jimothy's room. It was Gregory. "Tarq, you best come have a look."

I made my way to Jimothy's room just as Fitz turned the corner, the others were continuing their individual searches. "What is it?" I asked Gregory. He pointed at dirty track marks across the Persian rug. "Something grabbed him from his room?" Fitz asked doubtfully. I knelt down and pulled out a small magnifying glass, inspecting the tracks. I stood up. "Heavy duty tracks, definitely not a vehicle." I announced. "A robot?" asked Gregory. "A Foebot." Fitz replied. "But how did it get in?" he wondered aloud. I paused to quickly trace the faint tracks across the room to- "The side door!" I declared. Sir Jimothy's room was right next to the kitchen, so we headed through the side door into the quiet kitchen. "Check the patio door." Fitz grunted. I tapped the door to see if it was open and it fell to the ground, completely torn away from the frame. They had certainly used this entrance. We went back to the room and checked everything again. "Here!" Sir Gregory yelled. We came over and he showed us a small USB pen. "Track-A-Muffin. He's got a nanotransmitter implanted in his body that clings to both his forms... we can use it to track his location!"

We ran to the nearest computer and plugged in  

We touched down in Chicago at about 1:00am and headed to the coordinates that we just happened to know. It led us to a warehouse on the waterfront. Cautiously, we entered to find Sir Jimothy lying in a cage unconscious. We ran toward him and the lights came on and surrounding us were nothing less than Foebots. It has to be said, we weren't very good at noticing stuff like that. Behind us, upon a balcony stood my nemesis...Lord Twattington Nastiness. "Sir Tarquin... you are a fool. You have fallen into my evil trap! Now watch as I kill all your friends and make you watch." he shouted. And then, as an afterthought he added "Then I'll kill you, of course." The Foebots took aim at my colleagues, and there was nothing I could do! Suddenly, the BaconMobile crashed through the wall and out of it jumped Mexican Gregory and Dame Bebelia. The Foebots turned to kill them, but the BaconMobile transformed into a giant robot and crushed half of them and shielded Sirs Gregory and Fitzwellington and I from the others. I, however, slipped away and chased Lord Twattington as he fled the warehouse, but it was useless. He jumped into a waiting car and roared off. He had escaped! Or so I had thought.

As I watched, the car swerved and crashed into a container. Out of it stepped Sir Jimothy, who had slipped away and hidden in Muffin Form in the car and caused the driver to crash. He brought Lord Twattington with him, and I pushed him against the warehouse. "Who sent you the Foebots? WHO?" I snarled. He just shook his head and his eyes... dimmed. He was an android! I let the android slide to the floor and walked away. The transforming robot had changed back to the BaconMobile and the others were already inside it. Sir Jimothy was unhurt and the Foebots had been destroyed, but Lord Twattington had not been captured - leaving him free to wreak havoc another day.

 THE END